How did I get here?

Do you ever think about how you ended up where you are?

When I was in college, I started with an Environmental Science major. Like every other college students, I changed my mind and decided I didn't want to save the planet - I wanted to speak French. All the time. I was good at it and it seemed so intriguing to be able to speak a different language.

Then I got practical. I was pursuing French and Mathematics, two things I did well in and liked. But one semester I had to make a choice between a class that would lead to a French degree and one that would lead to a Math degree. Not wanting to become a high school French teacher, I chose the Math class.

But then I discovered Computer Programming! I took a Programming class as part of my Math degree and loved it. I aced every test (or close to it :P), loved every class, didn't excel in every lab, but who cares! Yet by now, changing majors again was just not an option. At least not if I wanted to finish on time. So I stuck with my trusty Math major.

Fast forward to my current job, which is not specifically in any of those disciplines but has brought me back to programming. I will be doing more programming soon and am eager to delve back into that methodical world. Funny how I can end up doing something I wanted to do in the first place, in a completely roundabout way.

And then it all gets me thinking about past relationships, without which I would not be where I am now - I love where I am now. So regardless of how I may feel about those past relationships, I will always be grateful that they led me here. But that's a whole other post....

Because I don't want to disappear

I never meant to stop blogging just because I had a baby. I've skipped over numerous interesting NASA items, quotes, seasonal items, and other topics that made me think "I should blog about that"...and yet my blog sits silent. Good grief.

So while I turn into a suburban-mother-with-no-time-on-my-hands, I'll just go through some things that I'd like to do now that it's spring. Spring is like a new year anyway - it makes more sense to start new when the rest of the natural world is starting new, rather than in the middle of death, stagnation, and hibernation. :P

• I need to work on the yard. Now that I'm not feeling sick and/or carrying all that extra weight, maybe I can get something done and not pass it off to someone else. There's lots of cleanup to do, roses to prune (I missed Presidents Day :/), and planning for the garden.



• I should get back into yoga. I'm sure it would help the constant aching from carrying around a hefty baby, as well as give me some time to myself. I have a hard time taking time for myself because I seriously want to spend every moment taking care of the baby...or sleeping! But I'm sure that's not good for me and it's running my body down anyway.



• I have a few books to read. I got Confessions of a Shopaholic and The Audacity of Hope in the same shopping trip. Heh. There's another book I want to read upon recommendation of another new mother friend, Allie at Wardrobe Oxygen, but I have to go look it up again because my mommy brain does not remember what it was.

I suppose it doesn't help that I don't get on the computer much for anything other than work lately. And I used to live on that darn machine! But I'll exchange it for the little one anytime. I still manage to catch my favorite shows like Lost and Heroes, and I have plenty of opinions about them, so I could write about that too!

So I hope to get back to blogging from time to time. I need to stop putting it off when I see so many things about why I heart the internets or what I want to do in the yard or what I find so fascinating about motherhood. If I only had the time. :)

My 100th Post

For my 100th post, I thought I'd do a nice little sappy number dedicated to my husband. Being pregnant, I'm entitled to be as emotional as I want to be, good or bad, right? Right.

I was thinking about how I've been doing the Cat-Cow yoga pose combination regularly because it helps with stretching and moving the core, something that can be slightly inhibited during pregnancy, and it helps with digestion. Then I began thinking about all the times my husband has been around, not minding (or ignoring? or enjoying?) the weird yoga poses I do at random times, depending on what needs stretching or flexing or bending or relaxing. He's always been fine with my unusual spiritual inclinations or emotional whims, Goddess depictions, Venus obsessions, and superficial interests. That's not something I can say for guys (or girls) I've known in the past, friends or otherwise.

Perhaps it's because he's Australian, where a "No Worries" attitude seems to apply to pretty much anything. They also generally tell it like it is most of the time, so I know if he DID have an opinion, I'd hear about it. Whatever the reason, it's nice to know that I can explore all kinds of cultures and interests without any nay-saying. That seems to be one of those things that makes for a healthy marriage - letting each other have our own individual interests that keep us excited about life. It also gives us new things to talk about with each other! Even if those new things aren't always interesting to the other person. ;)

Where I've Been

Since I'm starting to feel a bit better, perhaps now is a good time to explain my absence and hope that anyone who was reading my blog will continue to do so! I have lots of hits from people searching for MacGruber lyrics (to whom I apologize - I, too, have searched for lyrics and have never found any!), so I'm hoping I also have regular readers mixed up in there and haven't lost you due to my lack of posting.

Anyway! I'll give you a hint:



Yes, the stork will be visiting our house. The past few months have been filled with all the ups and downs - mostly downs - of early pregnancy. I say mostly downs because on top of the normal pregnancy symptoms you hear about, I also had one of the lesser-known symptoms (at least lesser-known to me!) - depression. I wasn't depressed to the point of needing medication or anything like that, but 'the blues' that I had were just enough to exacerbate every other symptom I had and make the whole experience less than 'glowing'.

Twice before I thought I was coming out of the fog, only to dip right back into it again a few days later, so I hesitate to say I'm done with it now. I'm feeling better though, and coming to the end of that time statistically, so here's hoping! I'm also starting prenatal yoga, so I'm hoping to get both physical and emotional benefits from that.

And can I just complain that I'm sick of my pants not fitting? :/

I haven't been wearing much makeup lately, even though the Bourjois goodies couldn't have come at a better time to cheer me up, so I hope to get back on that horse and get some reviews out to you soon.

I've also been taking lots of photos of the roses in my garden, so I hope to post some of those as well! I really need to take care of them, but I've been feeling too yucky and exhausted to do much lately. Bummer.

So there you have it. My somewhat valid excuse for not being around. Feel free to share your experiences if you like; I know mothers like to do that. ;) I probably won't discuss my own too much except for things that I discover that might help others (like asking your doctor about taking Vitamin B6 and Unisom for morning sickness or how papaya helps with digestion).

I hope we all have a good day today!

Being Happier at Work (and In General)

I watched another Oprah show last week. The episode was about people who hate their jobs, and Marcus Buckingham, a guy who's considered a job guru. This one just happened to catch my eye because it was supposed to help people feel more happy and satisfied with their jobs. I don't hate my job, but I'm always open to finding out how to improve any situation.

Doesn't it always seem like the secrets to all these things are just common sense? And yet we still don't seem to figure it out? A lot of what Marcus Buckingham seemed to talk about was finding your strengths...not just what you're good at, but what makes you feel good when you're doing it. I hope I got that right, anyway. An example he gave was when your kid comes home with a report card with 2 As and 2 Fs, what do you focus on? The answer is the As. You shouldn't ignore the Fs, but you should encourage and focus on the subjects that received As.

So what do you do when you're one of the majority of people who hates their job? Marcus Buckingham had these little notebooks where on each page you wrote what you loathed or what you loved about things that were within your control, not things that you couldn't do anything about. People were able to see ways to take control of their jobs, when they should change jobs, and how to prioritize.

You can participate in Marcus Buckingham's online workshop for free and at your own pace here. Apparently it's also available on iTunes.

Connect and Laugh

Longevity seems to be a hot topic right now - it's all over Martha Stewart, 20/20, the Internet, and I'm sure many other news/talk shows. The qualities that always stand out to me for increasing longevity are connections, humor, and positive outlook. If you don't care about living a longer life, then you probably don't care about these things either! But I think those are all things to live a more fulfilling life, not just a longer life.

I don't think people were meant to live solitary lives. Some people may be more solitary than others, but I don't think that means they should deprive themselves of any connections with others. Staying connected with others (and nature) makes us feel more like we have a place - our place that only WE could occupy. We also need others for support, feedback, enhancing experiences, as well as returning all those favors and giving back.

Mental outlooks greatly affect us physically, and having a positive outlook and the ability to laugh and enjoy life makes it that much easier for our bodies physically. Stress and negativity can manifest itself in aches, pains, illnesses, etc. Laughing just plain makes you feel good (unless your abs are sore from working out as mine have been, in which case it's quite painful to laugh ;P).

What do you think? Does this stuff matter? What else contributes to a long, fulfilling life?

Look Ma! I'm Famous!

The lovely Fabulously Broke in the City decided to interview me (me!) for her blog. How fun is that? :)

Read the interview here.

Who Doesn't Enjoy Talking About Themselves?

I don't, actually. I just finally updated my profile to include some content.

Sometimes I wonder if people think that because I don't ask them questions about themselves in social situations, I'm being rude. I like hearing other people talk about themselves, but I don't inquire very often because I don't want to be nosey about the wrong thing or put people on the spot about something. Does anyone else think like that?

Why I learn from Astarte

Astarte was the goddess of fertility, sexuality (love), and war for Semitic tribes. She was also known in other regions as Ishtar, Inanna, and later as Aphrodite and Venus. I love the duality: the combination of what we might consider 'feminine' (love) and 'masculine' (war) traits. I think everyone has some of this duality to some degree, and I don't think women should be expected to be all feminine, all the time (and vice versa for men). I also think it's better to see sexuality, love, and conflict as natural aspects of humans and deal with them accordingly in balance, rather than trying to suppress any one of them. Astarte is one of the lesser known of the aforementioned goddesses, in my opinion, and that's part of why I chose her. I wanted the emphasis to be on the goddess and the complexities that she represents, rather than a romanticized focus on love and beauty. I still love (sorry) that part of her though - I love depictions of Venus in art and have a copy of the Rokeby Venus in my bedroom.

I've always been interested in world religions and mythologies, as well as the anthropological history of women. It seems as though a lot of the ancient (and 'female') deities have been demonized or cast off by more recent cultures, so I think it's interesting to learn about the original meanings and beliefs in these deities. This is also why you might see me posting about the pagan (or other) histories of holidays. It's a good time to talk about the goddess of fertility, considering we're moving into the seasons of Spring, Easter, and fertility! Plants and animals will be seeing new growth and life, decorations with brightly colored eggs will be all over, and we'll all start to wake up out of our winter naps.

New Profile Pic

I whipped up a simple little profile pic. The 8-sided star is a symbol of Astarte. Then there's lil ol' me prancing around on the ground underneath it (and purple's my favorite color). In real life, I don't prance. Then again, I'm not long and lithe either. ;)

Impostor Phenomenon

I've recently discovered an interesting phenomenon that I realized I was suffering from. I didn't know it wasn't "just me." Impostor Phenomenon, or Impostor Syndrome, is not officially a disorder (I do not think I have a physchological disorder by showing these symptoms), but appears to be more of a description of an observed trend. Basically, it means you don't feel like you deserve your successes and fear that others will soon discover you are a fraud. The part that really made me look twice is that it seems to be much more common in women, especially with academic and professional achievements.

Pauline Rose Clance and Suzanne Imes wrote an article (read the pdf here) describing their research on the topic. I don't really fit in to the general groups of who suffers from it because my parents never seemed to imply that I couldn't match my siblings intellectually, nor did they act like I could do anything I wanted with ease. This feeling in me definitely manifested itself in college, not within my family. It is true, however, that the more I achieved in school, the more I felt like an "impostor." I usually did fairly well in school, at least good enough for my own satisfaction, but where I go wrong is feeling like all the knowledge I accumulated in my studies disappeared as soon as I finished school. I would often feel that I "took tests well" and "was good at getting homework done" but not that I was increasing my own knowledge (i.e. as described in the article, it was based on a temporary quality - effort - rather than abilities inherent in me). I also think I look up to my colleagues TOO much and view them as way beyond me, intellectually.

On the other hand, the article does make it plain to me that my colleagues ARE smart and DO know that I am qualified because they see the work that I do now and know what I've been able to accomplish in the past. Rather than seeing them as far more intelligent than me, I should view them (and their greater experience) as what I'm working towards.

I hope I don't come across as a mental case! It's not as though I go to work everyday thinking "I'm an idiot and soon they'll discover it." I've just had those moments where I'll think to myself "one of these days they'll discover I'm no good or change their minds about me" or feel that I haven't worked hard enough to deserve the job I have. After seeing that this is such a common affliction - that's it's NOT "just me" - it certainly puts it into perspective for me and helps me realize how silly that type of thinking is for me. We should all be able to be proud of our accomplishments and confident in our work without feeling that we are being arrogant or false.

For more info and links, you can also go to the wikipedia entry on Impostor Syndrome.